Jon Lovitz

as Artie Ziff (voice), as Artie Ziff / Mr. Seckofsky (voice), as Professor Lombardo / Donut Delivery Man (voice), as Llewellyn Sinclair / Ms. Sinclair (voice), as Selma's Cigarette (voice), as Enrico Irritazio (voice), as Llewellyn Sinclair (voice), as Artie Ziff / Rabbi (voice), as Jay Sherman (voice), as Artie Ziff / Jay Sherman / Professor Lombardo (voice), as Jon Lovitz (voice), as Hacky / Snitchy the Weasel (voice), as Mr. Avery Devereaux / Aristotle Amandopoulis (voice)

as Steve

as Quasimodo Wilson (voice)

as The Phantom of the Opera (voice)

as Million $ Sticky Host (uncredited)

as Squats Fitness Janitor

as Scotty Brennen

as Archie Baldwin

Writer, as Self

as Lenny

as Mayor of Cleveland

as Self

as Dapper Man